Readers Wifes - The Greatest Living DJs on Earthsays Jaques Peretti of The Guardian "... I have these friends called Readers Wifes (sic). I can honestly tell you that they are the greatest living DJs on earth, performing their act in various public houses and discotheques across the globe (well, El Taverne Vauxholio). As part of my policy of never leaving the house, so avoiding attack in the street by children with sticks, or being pummelled into audio-submission by the high pitched conversation of clacking harpies in bars, I have come to rely on the Readers Wifes for information about the outside world. This they provide in the form of audio cassettes with oblique snippets of conversation from television, film and recent theatre, supplemented by favourite records currently available in trusty retailers such as V-Shop, Woolworths and he better motorway service station. In my white van, I played one of the Wifes compilations at top volume, systematically criss-crossing London trying to find which bit of music best suited the landscape ..."

Formed in 1994 the London Readers Wifes actually set out to destroy club culture and not - as it became - become immersed and embroiled in the bloody thing. When we decided to start spreading lies about being "experienced DJs" our aim was actually to piss other people off whilst at the same time giving ourselves the immense pleasure of playing our favourite records on a loud sound system. Wuthering Heights is a good example of the kind of record we'd always wanted to hear out. At the time all clubs in London were pretty rubbish and, let's face it, most still are, particularly the gay ones. We wanted to recreate the glorious eclecticism of a good night out at Pyramid in Heaven or The Bell in the mid / late-'80s. We were sick of dance music, Ibiza, e-culture and superstar DJs peddling their evil wares all over the country for thousands of pounds a night. Instinctively we agreed with the Conservative government's legislation about "repetitive beats". We sort of blagged our way into DJ-ing at Duckie, set up by Simon and Amy in 1995. For some reason, obscured now by the passage of time, we decided to dress up as boys dressed up as tough girls, a nod to hard lasses like Jordan and Nico and Jo and Suzanne from the Human League. Since then Readers Wifes "dramatic new looks" (TM, Kim Phaggs) have all been variations on this idea - boiler suits, skatewear, shirt and tie, leather trousers 'n' Jim Morrisson open shirt, combat wear, zippy tops, male skirts, etc. It is rock 'n' roll drag certainly but we have never been into female impersonation. Both of us like to chainsmoke and to drink lager and blackcurrant when working. We have a third wife called Jockasta who helps out when one of us is away. Jockasta never wears make-up and always try to play as much Joy Division as possible. He is our best friend. We like DJ Lush and Johnny Slut. Notes on the name: Sometimes we call ourselves The London Readers Wifes and, briefly, The London Footballers Wifes. The 'f' is a tribute to the mis-spelt titles of Slade's hits.